I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
