I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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