I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
