It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
