Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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