Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
