I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
