u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
