Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
false alarm, still single
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