I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
