If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
