so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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