the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
4 words: hood of his car
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
