I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
