WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
