I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
