You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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