I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
