my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
