My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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