Swine flu. Run for my life!
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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