Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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