Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
