Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
