Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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