M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
