Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
be right there i have to get my cape
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
