I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
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