You just made me feel so damn special
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
