I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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