batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
