You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
