I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
