he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Sober January is a disaster.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
