Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Terrible idea I love it
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
