you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize