**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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