I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
