You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
