TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
