I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
How drunk are you?
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