He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
