I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize