Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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