I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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