My cat gives me a boner
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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