When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
