i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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