i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize