I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
he just fucked me for my cheese..
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
