I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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