her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Randomize
