At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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