closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
