why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
