im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
