i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
