From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
