I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
