My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
