toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
