got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I forget how to act sober
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
