Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
