youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
