Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
