you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
this hospital has no fireball
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
