and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize