Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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