I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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